First of all thank you all for taking your time to read this post and for giving me your opinions therefore giving me better perspective and outlook on my life . I felt instant relief after reading your answers and giving myself time to think about it differently…since i cant really move back yet , im planning to take the time for myself while im home, and when i dont have any obligations, im reading, training,  thinking, and doing as much as i can to gain a better perspective on myself, my worth, my values, to find what i enjoy in life, to hopefully find my interests and to pursue them, aswell as learning to enjoy the present moment, since all this thinking, moved my focus in different directions, its been a really long time since i really was focused and enjoyed the moment…and again, thank you for taking your time to read and reply, it really meant it to me.