Dear Artful Apricot:

It is very difficult to control our thinking. The more we try not to think of something, the more likely we are to think of it. My suggestion: allow yourself to think whatever it is you will think. But be mindful, or attentive to what is around you: pay attention to the details of the event, the sights, sounds, smells, tastes and feel (covering all five senses here). Being attentive this way, will occupy your brain much of the time so there will be less time for distressing thoughts.

If you feel particularly distressed, take time out and go to the bathroom or someplace where you can be alone. Don’t wear mascara, in case you do cry. If you are observed crying, that is okay, isn’t it? People do get emotional in weddings. You don’t have to explain the nature of your emotions to anyone.

You do have the right for your emotions and your thoughts. No shame in them. And last: focus on your behavior, of the three (thoughts, emotions, behavior), your behavior is the only item you can choose effectively.

anita