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Hi Saman,
Not really sure I can add anything really as Pearce’s comments were really insightful and true. I just wanted you to know that you aren’t alone and I can empathise with you.
the issue with depression is that it makes everything seem worthless and pointless and life is just a shade of numbness or sadness and there is very little happiness. Like you, I thought of doing anything, even stupid things so that I could FEEL something.
A combination of things worked for me and some days they work well and some days not at all, but I thought I should share them with you in case one helps.
1) Watch inspirational TED talks.. I like Tony Robbins energy and passion but whichever works for you. Also read inspirational books. I personally like the alchemist but again its picking what YOU like and what speaks to you. Perhaps go to a book store and pick a few books that speak to you from there and start with those.
2) Journal your feelings.. Still means they are there just not buzzing around in my head so much. This usually is painful and makes me cry bur sometimes it can help in sorting my emotions out. Or get a therapist to help you.. I find talkspace works for me but there are alot of different ones out there.
3) Eat or do something you loved from childhood. For me that’s strawberry milkshake and chicken nuggets.. This sounds terribly unhealthy but for me its just a step in reminding myself of the stuff I used to like or do that I don’t do anymore or had forgotten about.
4) Take a shower or bath, it feels like the most hardest thing ever and for me my mind makes up a million reasons why not, but generally its nicer to feel clean, the little mood boosting things help
5) Do something you don’t want to do or are putting off. For me this helped as I was crying again at work, staring at the screen seeing the emails all pile in and I just felt hopeless. This had gone on for months but but one morning at work I thought I’m going to answer that email I don’t want to do, im still going to feel sad and rubbish and want to cry but I’m going to do it anyway. It sounds simple but it was something I really didn’t want to do or had thought of before as I was used to waiting for the feelings to pass and then getting more angry and frustrated At myself when they didn’t.
6) Stick to a routine and build it around the little things that make you feel just a bit happier eg for me its making nt morning coffee, and spending time reading but its whatever works for you.
7) Do exercise you enjoy. The enjoy is the important part, for years I went running as I thought that’s a good way to keep fit, but I actually never enjoyed it at all. Instead I now swim and use it as a form of meditation- I can’t think too hard and swim so for me its a nice way to quiet my brain for half an hour.
8) try and think of a goal that energises you or spend time with people that energise you.
you are wonderful and you are loveable and you are a valueable person just by being you, never ever forget that. you are not alone.
Sorry for the spelling mistakes, my phone keeps freezing and not letting me amnend them.