Dear greenshade:

Well put: “my ‘feeling’ of not wanting to connect is stronger than my knowledge that I should connect”- it reminds me of the advice my then therapist gave me, it is a certain therapy tool, one of many, that he passed on to me. That tool is “do the opposite”. In certain contexts, it works.

At the time I had the “feeling” (in the sentence I quoted) of anger toward a particular person but had the “knowledge” that he was nothing but kind to me. When I practiced doing-the-opposite, I held his hand when angry, instead of, let’s say snapping at him. That helped!

And so, do the opposite. We can’t control how we feel. The only thing available for our choosing is our behavior. Once you choose to behave a certain way, your feelings will likely adjust to fit the behavior.

anita