Tannhauser,

I do not know what kind of philosophies or thought and emotion patterns you have sunken yourself into but seems that they have not been worthwhile.

You probably have been dwelling too much doing same things and now you are totally bored with them.

You are transforming to something else as a being and your state is just a passing phase in transformation.

Do not stay in the agony, start doing things you may have completely overlooked.

I do believe that “God” or the source of everything (GO-O-OD) exists but as we are limited beings in many ways we are not always able to perceive the bliss of existence, only partial “showers” of it. I do not belong to any church but I have experienced many “mystical” revelations while reading sacred texts of multiple religions leaving me weeping under the depth of the feeling.

I really cannot blame the Provider for not fullfilling my every wish.

There are many things that we just have to do ourselves.

The simple law is that on what you concentrate your actions will grow within you.

So if you feed any angst or depression it will get bigger and bigger.

Turn your focus on delightful things and actions and you will feel better.

I have found many helpful tips on the YouTube videos by Sadhguru, he is a guy with a genuine no-bullshit type of attitude on all things of spirituality and beyond. Highly recommended.

Wishing wellness,

Fingerist