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Hi Avery,
You stated he was the only real boyfriend you ever had..but it sound to me, he wasn’t much of a boyfriend at all. Please don’t second guess yourself, you did nothing wrong, and you have him many chances, to make it right, but he did not respect you enough, and he is not ready to be in a commuter relationship at this time.
I Try to find something to make you feel good about yourself to raise your self esteem. You sound like an awesome person..but you have to believe that. Once you do, you will find healthy men gravitate toward you, because they will see you as a happy independent woman with a wonderful life who doesn’t need a man for happiness, who lives herself and who is happy and secure. Find some hobbies you enjoy, volunteer work, working with animals, join some social clubs and the men will come, the healthy ones, without the drugs and problems and issues. You don’t need that. You deserve better than this guy, remember to never invest any more energy or emotional investment than they spend on you.