Hi, Kaynah,

There were times when I was younger, when it seemed, I always had to be in some kind of relationship. It made me feel good about myself. Being in love was the greatest thing in the world, and it always seemed I needed a man in my life for that high you get from being in love. I hated not having a man in my life, I felt empty, bored, restless, lonely, depressed and just a chronic empty feeling. It was like I had to have a man to make me happy with myself and my life.

So, I went from one bad relationship to another, not really getting to know myself first and what I could really offer a man, and what I wanted from them. To me, a bad, unhealthy relationship full of intensity, chaos, drama, turbulence, fighting was all I knew because of a traumatic and severely negecful childhood. I did not know my self-worth it identity. If I did not have a man, I felt I was missing out because all my girlfriends had boyfriends, kids, getting married, etc. Here I was still single in my late 30’s.

1. This is when I decided I needed to discover myself and what I truly wanted from a man and what a healthy relationship was. So, I got into intensive therapy and 12 step programs. I am now in my 50’s, and while I do not have the man of my dreams, I have come to peace with being in limbo. And knowing that it’s okay not to constantly have a man in my life. I am working on being happy with myself, and only then, will a man will be happy with me. So, please don’t give yourself alot of stress and pressure. When the right time comes, it will come. In the meantime, focus on yourself, get involved in social activites, volunteer work, when men see that you are a strong independent happy woman happy with her life, they will gravitate toward you. It works. Most of all, it’s okay to be scared. We all go through this. Give yourself permission. You went through a difficult time and being a single parent is hard, no matter what the circumstances. Just know, it’s okay to be in limbo for awhile and concentrate on your children and yourself as that is what is most important. Good luck.