Hi Anita and Mark,

Thank you for taking the time to write me, it really means alot to me. It also makes me feel not so alone, that others know about this illness and can relate. Mark, you had some very interesting and very relevant points, and Anita, I liked what you said too. It all comes down to Marsha Linehan’s concept of DBT that I have been in individual and group therapy for five years, and I don’t know if it’s me, but I am having a hard time with DBT therapy, it is very complex, and I find myself overwhelmed.

So, I tried it again with a new therapist. Right now, I am on Advanced Distress Tolerance skills. I read it over and over and just can’t seem to get it. I don’t understand “radical acceptance” “Mindfulness” I don’t understand why her therapy is so hard. I much prefer CBT therapy. I try guided imagery. But when I get in the heat of the moment with someone, I get on the train, meaning, I become my thoughts, when like you, my therapist tells me to observe my thoughts, like they are white clouds drifting by. Or standing in the bottom of a beautiful blue ocean looking at fish swimming, seeing them as my thoughts. I can do it by myself, but as soon, as I am with another person, I lash out and hurt them verbally or in e-mail. I don’t know why I hurt the people I love. Its a frustrating illness to live with. All I can do, is just keep working at it, and sometimes turn it over to God. Like you said, when I am ready, the right man will come along, but I am 55, and feel I should have beat this illness by now, and I continue to struggle.