Hi Dreaming715,

Please don’t be too hard for still thinking about your ex-fiance. It takes a long time. Some people it takes 6 months, (how they do that, I don’t know, it’s like they go from rebound relationship to rebound relationship, which can’t be healthy) others it takes a year, others it takes 3 years, me..well it took me almost four years to get over my first love. And another 4 years to get over a man I fell very much in love with back in 1997.

Even though, we no longer long, for that person anymore, it’s the memories that make it so difficult to move on. These are memories of when times were simpler, when you were happy and in love, you had your life and future invested with this man, you even bought a dog together, then suddenly, it all goes away, leaving you in shock. That takes in itself a very long time to get over. You think about all the wonderful life events with this man, saw a future with him, it is natural to go through the grieving process you are going through.

So many people try to fight or suppress these thoughts, but that is the worst thing you can do, it’s like telling your brain not to think about a pink elephant for 15 seconds, our brains are naturally going to think about the pink elephant. Just like you will think about all the wonderful memories shared with this man, the “what could have been” the “what could I have done better” the “if only”. These are only thoughts. If they start to overwhelm you, write it down on a piece of paper before you go to bed, or write it to him (but don’t mail it). You will find that one day, you will wake up not thinking about it anymore. Just be patient, it will come. Just know they are just thoughts, and they will disappear along with the emotion, usually in about 15 seconds.

As far as the man right now, he seems a little confused about relationships, an emotional connection, and it makes you feel a little isolated and lonely in the relationship. That is nnormal, but after a year, I think he should be referring to you as a couple, and you are right, a year is an awfully long time to introduce you to his parents. I would have a talk with him, ask him if he sees a future with you. Maybe he is not ready for a commited relationship at this time or gun shy because of his past. But I would sit down with him and tell him how it makes you feel when he does not include you as part of a couple and see what he says. Let me know your thoughts and keep us posted.