Hi @Shemar,

The beauty of the past is knowing that it was special with people you once loved and care for but it can also be ugly because of the pain of the mistakes you have made and the problems that arise from it. You first have to accept that things change and that everything happens for a reason. There was a reason things didn’t work out and you have to accept that you can’t change the things that have already happened. If you’re now dwelling on it it’s because you feel guilty for the son who depended on you to be there for him and it hurts but you have to accept that you weren’t happy and forgive yourself for leaving that relationship.

If you want to reconnect with the son and your ex you need to talk things out with your current family first because that’s what you have now. Last thing you want is to cause problems with your current wife and kids because they might be hurt you want to care for another family and that they might not be enough for you. You need to be honest with yourself and your family and let them know that you feel guilty and you want to reconnect and mend things since it was left on bad terms. If your wife and kids can be understanding of that then that gives you permission to try and mends things with your ex and her son.

Now you have to accept that you made a mistake by not informing your ex that you had moved on and that you have your own family because she probably feels that you betrayed her and her son. You need to let her know that it was not your intentions to hurt them and that you were just trying to do what was best for you first. You have to show her how geniuenly sorry you are and that you want to be friends and be part of her son’s life again. If your ex cannot accept your apology and she does not want you to be involved anymore then you must move on and let her and her son be for you have done all you can and need to let go.

Once you have that closure you can finally move on with life and try to enjoy what you have now and use that experience to prevent it from happening again. It’s not easy but this is the best way to go about things for the sake of your happiness. You have to be honest and open but also accepting that everything happens for a reason good and bad.

I hope that helps and good luck figuring things out!

• This reply was modified 7 years, 6 months ago by Jennifer.