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Jennifer

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Viewing 10 posts - 1 through 10 (of 10 total)
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  • #153180
    Jennifer
    Participant

    Hi @jamie,

    I understand the frustration of dealing with an ex and his issues. I was once in a emotional-abusive relationship where my ex would always fight and verbally abuse me and make me feel not good enough for him. He would constantly fight with me one minute but he always go back and apologize over and over until I forgave him again but it would be a constant cycle of abuse and forgive. Eventually I broke things off with him because I could not handle that part of the relationship anymore and it was emotionally draining and we did end on bad terms. However after 3 months from our break up he message me and apologized for everything he has done. At that time I was upset but I did not want to hate him or give him any reason to emotionally abuse himself over me.

    So in your situation I’m sure your ex realized his mistakes and he wants to be forgiven. It’s better to forgive but not to “forget” and in a way it’s up to you if you want to reply and let him know that you can forgive him but I suggest you need to figure out what is best for you first before replying. You still want to be a good person and not let any hurtful memories of the past to affect you now. If you care about him still then when you’re ready you can reply back to him. I’m sure he will understand why it took so long to reply but I believe all he wants is closure and to know that you are okay. You can be open and honest with him but in the end you have to move on and do what’s best for you.

    I’m still friends with all my exes because I believe you should never end on bad terms and be happy for them even if it means not being part of their lives again. You want what is best for everyone and most of the time you want to end with no grudges or regrets and learn that things happen for a reason. I hope that helps out but only you know what is best for you and I want you to know that you do not have to let his mistakes affect your happiness now so let things be and move on.

    #153166
    Jennifer
    Participant

    Hi @elise,

    High school can be a very difficult time especially taking on a class position. I once was President for my sorority and a lot of my sisters at the beginning didn’t believe I was doing a good job and had spoken down to me a lot. It’s frustrating and hurtful because that’s not what you want to hear but in a way you need to realize that your group feels a certain way for a reason and you need to figure out why. At the end of my

    At the end of my year, I was rewarded the Presidential Excellence because I worked so hard to prove my worth and it all paid off. It was not easy to gain my house’s trust back but I started by trying to talk to them in a mature manner. I accepted that I made mistakes that caused a lot of problems for the house and I was willing to accept my mistakes and work hard to try and fix them. A lot of my sisters respected me for that and it helps to know the truth and why but also be mature enough to resolve things and not let those negative statements affect you.

    You have to be the bigger person and be honest with your group. Have they told you why they thought those things about you? Have you asked them what is it that they need from you as chair person? Do not be let down by this but instead feel more empower to do something and make things right again. If they believe you’re not doing your job as they think you should then you need to figure out why. If you are doing everything you can and have been working hard as chair person then you need to show them and let them know “Hey I’m going through a lot of stress and I would really appreciate if you all can let me know if I’m doing anything wrong because I’m actually working hard and (start listing all the things you have done).” Do it in a way where they can see your point of view but also be open up to their views of your work ethic as well.

    Once you figure out the honest truth on why they are treating you like that, then it’ll make it easier to resolve your situation. Now if they are just plain out mean and don’t like you for unecessary reasons then you do need to stay strong and let a teacher know that you need help. At least a teacher will be willing to help and guide you out and try to mend any conflicts. But I would first try to resolve the situation with your group and seek the truth.

     

     

    #153084
    Jennifer
    Participant

    Hi @Shemar,

    The beauty of the past is knowing that it was special with people you once loved and care for but it can also be ugly because of the pain of the mistakes you have made and the problems that arise from it. You first have to accept that things change and that everything happens for a reason. There was a reason things didn’t work out and you have to accept that you can’t change the things that have already happened. If you’re now dwelling on it it’s because you feel guilty for the son who depended on you to be there for him and it hurts but you have to accept that you weren’t happy and forgive yourself for leaving that relationship.

    If you want to reconnect with the son and your ex you need to talk things out with your current family first because that’s what you have now. Last thing you want is to cause problems with your current wife and kids because they might be hurt you want to care for another family and that they might not be enough for you. You need to be honest with yourself and your family and let them know that you feel guilty and you want to reconnect and mend things since it was left on bad terms. If your wife and kids can be understanding of that then that gives you permission to try and mends things with your ex and her son.

    Now you have to accept that you made a mistake by not informing your ex that you had moved on and that you have your own family because she probably feels that you betrayed her and her son. You need to let her know that it was not your intentions to hurt them and that you were just trying to do what was best for you first. You have to show her how geniuenly sorry you are and that you want to be friends and be part of her son’s life again. If your ex cannot accept your apology and she does not want you to be involved anymore then you must move on and let her and her son be for you have done all you can and need to let go.

    Once you have that closure you can finally move on with life and try to enjoy what you have now and use that experience to prevent it from happening again. It’s not easy but this is the best way to go about things for the sake of your happiness. You have to be honest and open but also accepting that everything happens for a reason good and bad.

    I hope that helps and good luck figuring things out!

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 9 months ago by Jennifer.
    #153064
    Jennifer
    Participant

    Hi @sophie,

    I know exactly why you been feeling depressed and empty for years. Have you ever heard of law of attraction? It means the more you think about how empty, unmotivated, and depressed you feel the more you will continue to feel that way. I use to be like that for years when I had PTSD and I always thought why can’t I just be freaking happy? Why can’t my life be filled with good people and happiness? Why doesn’t anyone understand me and why can’t I get over this depression?

    Those kind of negative thoughts will only spirial you down. When people try to help you by saying you need to be more positive and happy it can be hard to listen because you’re already gone so down that it’s hard to get back up. I want you to know that it’s not impossible and if you have reach a point of your life where you feel at your lowest just know that you can only go up from there.

    No matter what you try to do to be happy the only way to be happy is to start appreciating and being grateful for the things you have now. If you can’t find happiness in those things right now then try to put your shoes in someone’s else place where it could be a lot worst. When I traveled to SE Asia and witness children and families with no home, no clothes, and no food all my thoughts of my problems went away and I start appreciating the little things I have in life like a roof over my head, family and friends who care about me, food on the table, clothes on my back, and the freedom to do whatever I want because I’m not in a place where I can barely survive to live.

    You have to accept that things cannot happen overnight but instead take things day by day and it is a journey to happiness especially if you have been in this state for a long time. Once you realize what you have to live for things do get better. Life is beautiful dear and you only have one chance to live it so you can decide whether to live your life being sad and depressed or fill your life with love and happiness

    Start by accepting that you want to be happy and that you can do it. Make a list of all the things you want to do in life and all the things to be grateful for and wake up every morning believing that today is going to be a good day. If you feel empty or sad try not to dwell on that but instead tell yourself “I’m not sad or empty and this feeling will go away” and that’s a good start. Then day by day tell yourself something that you “think” might make you feel good like “Wow this fried chicken taste amazing and I’m glad I can eat it” or “This park is beautiful I’m glad I can walk through it in this beautiful weather”. These things are little but it’s a small step and you’ll eventually learn to master it and find so many beautiful and wonderful things in life that will make you happy.

    Thinking negatively about yourself will only hurt you so tell yourself that “Hey I want to be happy and I’m going to do whatever it takes to do it”. Law of attraction states if one person states only positive and uplifting thoughts then the universe in return will give them what they believe. You have the power to live your life and I promise you it’ll be a beautiful journey and you will find your happiness and eventually enjoy the gift of giving others happiness with the love and compassion that you give yourself first.

    I really hope that helps and take it easy okay? It will be very difficult but you have to keep pushing yourself if you really want to be happy and I know you can do it!!

    #153058
    Jennifer
    Participant

    Dear @Savannah,

    I believe if you gave up your life and happiness for somebody you love then it would be selfish on their part. Your BF will not be happy knowing you are not happy giving up your life to be with him and in the end it will only hurt both of you. I’m sure his focus is taking care of his mom and he cannot give you the attention you need to settle into this new life. If you really love your BF you will support him by being honest with him on how you feel and you should still show compassion to his mom and respect her by showing her that you geniunely care for her son and her but if she does not see that do no stress the situation on your BF more and let her be.

    You need to do what is best for yourself and do what will make you happy first because how can you be happy with your BF if you do not like the life you’re living there now? You find your own happiness and if it was meant to be and if he loves you then maybe later on it’ll work out. Time is everything and maybe right now it is time for you to go back and do what makes you happy and reconsider things when things are settled again.

    I hope that helps and follow what your heart tells you even if it’s hard because you have to do what’s best for you in the long run.

    #153054
    Jennifer
    Participant

    @pearcehawk Thank you so much for that and I’m grateful for your gratitude. I understand the experiences of reliving the nightmares and the triggers because I use to get panic attacks easily everytime I get heartbroken or see something that reminds me of the situation and I dealt with the depression from that for many years. I want you to know that you will move on from it and that instead of seeing it as a bad memory see it as an experience that you survive and now understand. Your experiences with PTSD and depression will help others get over theirs once you figure out how to move on from it by empathizing with them and giving them hope that they are strong enough to get through it just like you have. Thank you again for your openness and goodluck on your journey!

    #153048
    Jennifer
    Participant

    Hi Amy,

    I had a similar situation with my SIL a while back because she use to cause a lot of problems for my family and I because we could never agree on things and would argue and fight a lot. My brother and I are very close and I love my family as well so I know the frustration of disliking someone because the way they act towards your loved ones hurts and disappointing. If anything I feel horrible for my brother for dealing with the war between his wife and our family for the past 7 years but I want you to know that it is possible to work things out and it starts with kindness. My brother was always in the middle because my SIL and us would always pressure him to pick sides and in the end he had to do what was right for his family.

    They have kids now and she has toned down a lot because my brother always resolved things by seeing both sides now. He argued with both his wife and us. He try to be understanding and never wanted to pick sides but instead try to see both of our point of views when it comes to problems. He will show how we felt as a family towards her and why and then he would show us how she felt and in the end both parties wanted to do what was right and what was best. If we really love our family and spouses then we must do whatever it takes to mend the relationships especially for the sake of the children. No child wants to grow up hating someone just because one of their parents does that’s not how they should be raised. Instead set a good example and try work things out by doing what my brother did and show compassion, forgiveness, and find a solution to work things out.

    I’m not saying find faults in both parties but instead accept that arguing, yelling, and fighting does not resolve anything but only cause pain and suffering for both families. Try to talk to them indivually and try to find a resolution where both parties can come together and move on. No matter what issues happen, people will make mistakes and will disagree but what matters is that you can respect each other’s decision and provide love and understanding. That’s what will be best in the long run and for the kids otherwise they will think it’s okay to hate and resent someone just because someone else thinks badly of them.

    I really hope that helps and that things will work out but just please show compassion and love for both and do what you think is best for you and your family. I’m sure both your husband and brother will be understanding if they both knew how much it hurts you to be going through this and if they really love you then they will work out their differences and for the sake of your families’ happiness show them how to forgive and move on so the future of the kids can follow by example and grow up solving issues with love not hate.

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 9 months ago by Jennifer.
    #153040
    Jennifer
    Participant

    Hello dreaming715,

    Although I cannot relate to your long-term engagement and relationship, I can understand your frustration and dependency to find your definition of love. The beauty of the past is knowing you once had something special and I’m sure as heartbreaking and devasting the breakup was, you probably and will always love your ex-fiance because he was once a part of your happiness and life. I believe you have to accept that nothing last “forever” and instead of trying to relive the love you had with this new boyfriend you should reevaluate and figure out what exactly “YOU” want for yourself instead of trying to work and change someone to fit somebody you were once happy with if that makes sense.

    Trust me because I use to be like that where I would compare my new relationship to be great like the last one or hoping they provide that love and security that someone once did for me and to be honest it’s really not fair for that new person. The more you pressure them into being someone that they’re not for your sake, the more you will push them away. If you pressure your current boyfriend to rush into a marriage he will resent you because he’s trying to do what he thinks is best for him and it’ll eventually lead him to breaking things off and you’ll have a repeat of your past. So instead of asking why are they not ready or why can’t he be like this and that, just enjoy the moments you’ll are sharing together and give him time to open up with you. There’s no rush into anything and if you cannot stand the way he is right now then maybe you need to figure out what will be best for both of you’ll in the long run.

    It’s not easy because I know deep down you’re longing for that special someone to be with forever but I want to let you know that the only person that will always love you forever is yourself. Once you figure out your own happiness first and do things that you love it makes life easier not worrying over someone else. You want to find someone who you know inside and out and can trust to be with you and it starts with being happy with yourself. Someone will value you and love you for you but people will always change and so will you and you have to accept that the past is history and the future is a mystery so focus on the present because it’s a gift to enjoy that time you have now to be happy for yourself.

    If you want this current relationship to work out then I would suggest being honest, open-minded, and try to accept his wishes of taking things slow. If you let him be himself then he will appreciate you in the long run and he will start to show more for the relationship knowing that there’s no pressure and that you can be an understanding and compassionate girlfriend. Start doing things for yourself and give space so he can to and you’ll will eventually work things out. You still have a long time away to enjoy your life and you don’t have to be married to be happy.

     

    I know that’s a lot to read but it’s coming from the heart and I promise you that you will get through this obstacle and will be much happier knowing there’s so much to live for and be happy for <3

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 9 months ago by Jennifer.
    • This reply was modified 6 years, 9 months ago by Jennifer.
    #153036
    Jennifer
    Participant

    @cee Hi there and I hope this is not too late to post or give advice. From my experience it is best to let go of someone who is going through a rough time with himself and for the sake of both you and him it’s better to be an encouraging person to him when you can but do not expect anything more or less. I’ll ask you this. Are you happy with yourself right now? Are you going through any heartbreak with yourself? or do you just want the comfort and company of someone who you thought was a good match? If you can answer these honestly then there are your answers. If you’re worried about this guy because you care then that’s okay but if you’re only wanting him to snap out of his phase and come back to you then I don’t think it’s right because a relationship cannot be establish if both parties are not happy with themselves first. If he doesn’t work out then that’s okay. You just continue with your life and doing things that make you happy and I promise you the right guy will come along when you least expect it and he won’t have any issues with himself because he’ll already be happy. I hope that helps!

    #153028
    Jennifer
    Participant

    Thank you so much!! I really appreciate it and I’m glad yall can relate to it.


    @pearcehawk
    I understand where you’re coming from because I to had PTSD after a troubling incident in my past where I was close to getting kidnap by a drunk driver and my family troubles over me. It took me a long time to finally move on from the incident but it will always be a part of me because in the end those times made me stronger. Eventually you will have to move on and be happy that you survived those traumas. I can only imagine what you have witness and experience but I’m happy you’re still alive and you still have time to live your life the way you want too!! I to deal with things through meditation and just being grateful for the wonderful people and experiences I have now. Our purpose is to use our experiences to help others get through theirs so I’m really glad you understand and I to want the same things for the better of our world <3

    • This reply was modified 6 years, 9 months ago by Jennifer.
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