Hi Amy,

I had a similar situation with my SIL a while back because she use to cause a lot of problems for my family and I because we could never agree on things and would argue and fight a lot. My brother and I are very close and I love my family as well so I know the frustration of disliking someone because the way they act towards your loved ones hurts and disappointing. If anything I feel horrible for my brother for dealing with the war between his wife and our family for the past 7 years but I want you to know that it is possible to work things out and it starts with kindness. My brother was always in the middle because my SIL and us would always pressure him to pick sides and in the end he had to do what was right for his family.

They have kids now and she has toned down a lot because my brother always resolved things by seeing both sides now. He argued with both his wife and us. He try to be understanding and never wanted to pick sides but instead try to see both of our point of views when it comes to problems. He will show how we felt as a family towards her and why and then he would show us how she felt and in the end both parties wanted to do what was right and what was best. If we really love our family and spouses then we must do whatever it takes to mend the relationships especially for the sake of the children. No child wants to grow up hating someone just because one of their parents does that’s not how they should be raised. Instead set a good example and try work things out by doing what my brother did and show compassion, forgiveness, and find a solution to work things out.

I’m not saying find faults in both parties but instead accept that arguing, yelling, and fighting does not resolve anything but only cause pain and suffering for both families. Try to talk to them indivually and try to find a resolution where both parties can come together and move on. No matter what issues happen, people will make mistakes and will disagree but what matters is that you can respect each other’s decision and provide love and understanding. That’s what will be best in the long run and for the kids otherwise they will think it’s okay to hate and resent someone just because someone else thinks badly of them.

I really hope that helps and that things will work out but just please show compassion and love for both and do what you think is best for you and your family. I’m sure both your husband and brother will be understanding if they both knew how much it hurts you to be going through this and if they really love you then they will work out their differences and for the sake of your families’ happiness show them how to forgive and move on so the future of the kids can follow by example and grow up solving issues with love not hate.

• This reply was modified 6 years, 10 months ago by Jennifer.