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He apologised, but i didn't reply. what shall i do?

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This topic contains 3 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  Jennifer 6 months ago.

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  • #153150

    Jamie
    Participant

    Dear reader,

     

    After a horrible emotional rollercoaster with my ex of 2 years, after telling me he loves me, then seeing him on a date with another girl and him replying “Sorry for the confusion, I’m in a club can’t talk”, after insulting me, downgrading me, and playing with my feelings he….apologised?

     

    It wasn’t that much of a serious apology to be quite frank, it was an image of two people reconnecting and under it quotes “This month, this is an invitation to forgive”. I did not reply, since he has hurt me SO deeply just a month prior that, and after I didn’t reply he asked my friend where i am, and that he wishes me well, however contacted me simply due to curiosity and not due to any emotional connection.

     

    I miss him quite terribly, and I don’t want to sound like a child by not replying. What’s the right thing to do?

    #153156

    PearceHawk
    Participant

    Hi Jamie…I hope that today brings the comfort that you need. This will allow you to move on in the direction that you choose. You said, “I miss him quite terribly…”  I invite you to consider looking at this in another light, that perhaps you miss what you once had, pre-ex status, that maybe what you miss is clouded by what you now have. You have quoted him as saying, “Sorry for the confusion…”.   Because he is “in a club can’t talk” what was/is the issue that he is confused about? There is a chance that you are correct too, when you quote him as saying he “he wishes me well,”. Maybe his “emotional connection” to you is retracted somewhat. It looks like one of those things where relationships end, but to those who do move on, quite often you hear things like, but we’re best friends now. I tip my hat to them because they were able to see their relationship no longer works and arable to make amends and move forward, no shame, no blame. In no way am I condoning what you describe of him and his actions. Like I said, maybe you miss what you once had. To be successful in our pursuit of a healthy, loving relationship fulfills a basic human need. To remain attached to what you once had, and sit by as a spectator watching and waiting and hoping for that “if only” moment, or that “I wish it was still us” dream restrains you from pursuing a loving relationship. He has been your “ex of 2 years.” IF you have been on the sidelines wishing and hoping and dwelling on once upon a time, think of all the possibilities you missed out on. It is perfectly fine to miss the memories of what you had. It is also fine that “he wishes me well. Allow the two to ride off into their sunset, thank him for the memories both of you created, and move forward and create the life you want. After 2 years it seems that you have hit that proverbial glass ceiling. I would like you to do this; tonight I would like you to go outside and look up at the stars. As you do this, think to yourself, “There is my ceiling.” Don’t be that person standing against the wall at the school gymnasium waiting and hoping to be picked to dance with. I am confident is saying that there are many people who would love to dance with you. Go pick that special someone, and dance.

    🙂

     

    Pearce

    #153162

    anita
    Participant

    Dear Jamie:

    If he indeed insulted you, downgraded you and played with your feelings, an apology will need to have these wrongdoings mentioned, such as in ..I am so sorry I called you X and Y, that was insulting, disrespectful, etc.

    “This month, this is an invitation to forgive” is not an apology because it does not detail a single wrongdoing.

    So I wouldn’t reply to that vague invitation as if it was an apology. (and the fact that you miss him doesn’t make it an apology either).

    You will not “sound like a child by not replying”- not in my mind. Not replying is not about you being childish; it is about not having something of substance to reply to!

    anita

    #153180

    Jennifer
    Participant

    Hi @jamie,

    I understand the frustration of dealing with an ex and his issues. I was once in a emotional-abusive relationship where my ex would always fight and verbally abuse me and make me feel not good enough for him. He would constantly fight with me one minute but he always go back and apologize over and over until I forgave him again but it would be a constant cycle of abuse and forgive. Eventually I broke things off with him because I could not handle that part of the relationship anymore and it was emotionally draining and we did end on bad terms. However after 3 months from our break up he message me and apologized for everything he has done. At that time I was upset but I did not want to hate him or give him any reason to emotionally abuse himself over me.

    So in your situation I’m sure your ex realized his mistakes and he wants to be forgiven. It’s better to forgive but not to “forget” and in a way it’s up to you if you want to reply and let him know that you can forgive him but I suggest you need to figure out what is best for you first before replying. You still want to be a good person and not let any hurtful memories of the past to affect you now. If you care about him still then when you’re ready you can reply back to him. I’m sure he will understand why it took so long to reply but I believe all he wants is closure and to know that you are okay. You can be open and honest with him but in the end you have to move on and do what’s best for you.

    I’m still friends with all my exes because I believe you should never end on bad terms and be happy for them even if it means not being part of their lives again. You want what is best for everyone and most of the time you want to end with no grudges or regrets and learn that things happen for a reason. I hope that helps out but only you know what is best for you and I want you to know that you do not have to let his mistakes affect your happiness now so let things be and move on.

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