Dear Danielle:

Based on your threads before, on our communication there and this new thread, competent, quality psychotherapy is what I recommend, and as soon as possible.

The “BIG LIE” that bothers you so, is not the lie of him sleeping with another woman after you told him that the two of you “were done get out don’t talk to me”. The obsession you stated: “…this obsession with telling myself I am a victim and deserve better and what he did was horrible” is not about him doing something horrible.

These are about past experiences you had, before you ever met him. Those past experiences are very persistent in trying to get your attention by projecting themselves into him and into the relationship with him. With this insistence, better see a competent, capable professional. There the combination of insight into your past and skills to manage and gradually undo the OCD mental habits will help you greatly.

anita