Anita,

You are spot on.  He is from India.  I don’t think this was too hard to guess.  I am trying to disconnect and convince myself that it has nothing to do with me.  My logical brain is all in sync with everything you are saying.  My emotional self, a bit less.  This is where I need to work on, but I cannot get to that point.  I take things personally.

I should say that we both know a lot of Indians, and some of those friends knew about us, so it wasn’t all about him not allowing people from his culture to know about us.  But it was about people who are important to him not knowing.  This is the important distinction, in my eyes.  I’m not even talking about his parents.  I wouldn’t have even dreamt about them knowing about me.  I might be a little lost, but not completely disillusioned.

I know he’s under a lot of pressure to get married.  I’m trying to understand, but it really baffles me.  On the one hand, parents will tell him they want him to be happy, on the other, it seems that they’re saying “you have to make us happy and make us look good in front of the rest of the family and society, and the only way to do this is for you to find a wife”.  I know this is the culture, but I’m struggling with the concept, and this feels like fake happiness and borderline hypocrisy.

PS: a previous post I made, in response to Inky is still showing as “awaiting moderation”. I added a link in it, I think that’s why.