Hi Dreaming715,

I too suffer from an intense fear of abandonment. I was abandoned over and over by an Alcoholic mother, severely neglected, emotionally abused. My father did the best he could, but he was emotional unavailable, and had to leave quite often for travel. I remember clinging to him begging and crying for him not to leave me. My 6 siblings and I would be left with a nanny, who my mother would fire when she went on her drinking binges.

This has had carried over in my adulthood in my relationships with others and with men. I have never been able to sustain a long term relationship due to perceived rejection and abandonment issues. Even with intense therapy and 12 step programs, the fear is always there. If I perceive the slightest distancing from my significant other, I will reject him, before he abandons me, which may not be the case, sabatoging the relationship.

I just keep telling myself, that I will be okay if someone leaves me. It has happened so many times with my Mother and Father, with friendships, being fired from jobs, and you know what? I was always okay. I just kept telling myself even though it sounded weird at first, yet I say it everyday “I love you” and one day I finally believed it. So that next time someone leaves me, I still have myself to love and that I will be okay. I made it through the oain, and I will make it through again.