Dear Cloud:

You wrote that you never experienced “someone who really wanted to help me through my heartache who wanted to be there to support and encourage me” and that “if anyone is too nice to me or go out of their way for me. I’ll question those actions. I kept thinking that person wants something from me”-

This experience and fear/ mistrust makes relationships, be it friends or girlfriends very difficult to form, not to mention, maintain. You experienced hurt, neglect, in the past, before the ex friend, and you learned to distrust, that you are not safe with people. It is an understanding learning because it was your real experience.

And it is true that there are many people out there who are not trustworthy. There is no way around the need to trust a trustworthy person, not just anyone. Like you wrote, you already had the talks with your current friend, and there is no way to further calm your fears, not in  a lasting way. The anxiety, that is something you will have to live with, manage best you can while making best choices you can.

Your friend expressed to you that she is open to having a relationship with either gender. She expressed to you that a girlfriend/girlfriend relationship with you in the future is possible. These are encouraging statements. I understand your motivation to visit her and I think it is a good choice for you, to visit her, if you can afford the trip.

You wrote that you saw a therapist- would you like to share what you learned about your anxiety, did she teach you ways to manage it, deal with it… are you practicing such ways, currently?

anita