Dear David:

You wrote that you need working on “the feeling of resentment, anger and need for revenge for the person whose spiteful actions has put me in this present position”- the person you believe brought about the premature ending of your work contract.

There is this unfortunate situation: people hurt people, often from the very beginning of a person’s life: parents hurting their children. In school, children make fun of and bully other children. Dismissive and disrespectful treatments happen repeatedly through life, in the contexts of the family, work place, road/ driving, online communication, and so on.

Sometimes we believe a certain person is deliberately disrespecting us when in reality they are not paying attention, for example, a person daydreaming and not noticing you are there, and therefore not saying hello (the case not being the person noticing and not bothering to say hello).

As often as possible, it is a good idea to assert oneself with people who disrespect you or harm you, to let them know you noticed their disrespect and that you disapprove of their behavior. And then, adjust your interactions with that person, not interacting at all, if the person does not sincerely apologizes.

At times it is not practical to assert yourself with the person who disrespected you, maybe this is your case. Maybe you are not sure- and would need evidence, which you don’t have- that this person harmed you. In that case, if there is nothing for you to do, try to come to peace with what happened, for no other reason but the fact that you cannot change what happened.

There is a part of the serenity prayer that I like: “grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

Unfortunately, what happened at the work place, you cannot change.

anita