Anita

Back when I was working last winter, I had this really obnoxious coworker who was old enough to be my dad. He must have latched on to me because I was different from the other warehouse workers – he made snide comments about how I was quiet most of the time (because I was there to do a job, not make small talk – duh), he was constantly making passive aggressive “jokes” to me, undermining everything I was doing when he wasn’t behaving the same way to anybody else and I saw a lot of the same behaviour in him from the person I dreamt about. On one occasion he asked me what football team I support, to which I replied: “I hate football.” He started being really obnoxious, saying “Really?!? You don’t like football?!? What do you like, cooking?” He was obviously one of those prehistoric imbeciles who was somehow implying that because I don’t like sports, I’m not “masculine” enough. He just kept on with his passive aggressive criticisms and I got so sick of his behavior I snapped, and I demanded to know what his problem was in front of everybody, and that he had been nitpicking at everything I was doing. He blatantly denied everything and that I had an attitude problem. He stayed away from me after that incident which was the desired effect. On a plus side, I have an attitude problem! Damn right!

Another time before Christmas, I was meeting up with an old friend for a night out, and I was looking forward to it. There was another friend of hers but I took an instant dislike to him because he was loud, cocky and extremely vulgar. He admitted that he liked to partake in cocaine and he was already halfway through a bottle of vodka so my initial reaction was that I needed to stay away from him and not leave my drinks anywhere near him. Sadly, he kept drawing attention to me, more cliched comments on how “I am too quiet and I need to cheer up, bla bla bla…” We are on the way to the nightclub, and I am cracking – I keep telling myself, “Anymore of his stupidity and I am going to explode…” He came up to me from behind and thought it was funny to grab me from behind. I DO NOT LIKE BEING TOUCHED INAPPROPRIATELY BY ANYBODY. I don’t do it to other people because I respect boundaries, and I expect to be treated with the same courtesy. He thought I would be in on the joke, he tried putting his arm around me in a jokey friendly manner and telling me to cheer up. I went absolutely ballistic, shaking him off and I literally roared in his face “DON’T F*****G TOUCH ME!!!!” He looked absolutely horrified, as did everybody. Instead of apologising, he told me to chill out. That just made me even angrier and I was just shouting and warning him away. Again, he avoided me all evening and it did the trick because I despise people like that.

These are some of my brutal honesty revenges, Anita. They always come across as being more vicious and aggressive than I intend, and I can make things extremely awkward for everybody present. But in some twisted kind of way, I enjoy it and I find it extremely satisfying. Knowing that I stick up for myself now and I’m not prepared to be a wallflower. That doesn’t mean I should become a bully and constantly harass people because that’s not okay. Some people, I just need to be really sharp with them so that they stay away. When they don’t come near me anymore, job done.

I was obsessed with “Carrie” during my last year at school, and the year after I left. I just really loved the idea of getting even and using my mind to enact some kind of extreme vengeance on people who had hurt me, or using telekinesis to repel people. I have a sharp temper when people I don’t even know push my buttons, and I realise that because I don’t immediately respond to their crap, they think they’ve got me cornered and they don’t expect me to stand up for myself or retaliate. When I do, it’s shock horror and that is what repels them away.

Nothing major is happening in my life at the moment – well it kind of is, I’m going back to university in September to do my masters. I’m really happy at the moment and I’m looking forward to going back to study. That dream just hit a nerve and irritated me. There’s just something really pleasuring and almost sadomasochistic about itching a scab until it falls off and bleeds. Sometimes it just feels really good to hate people. Some psychologists suggest that people who don’t have vengeful thoughts could be psychopaths.

• This reply was modified 7 years, 5 months ago by Joe.