Dear Scott:

It is unfortunate but very common for women at any age (!) to expect men to read their minds. Men naturally fail at it and women wrongly feel mistreated and neglected.

If she wants you to help her solve a problem she is having, a mood, she needs to clearly and directly ask you for help and then give you all the information she has. For you to chase her to solve her problems, and for her to be unaccommodating with information in regard to what troubles her, that is, indeed, a silly waste of your time and energy.

Your mental energy better be invested in something sensible, something that will provide you some return on investment, and not  on a futile, zero return-on-investment, chasing after an annoyed girl so to solve the problems she is not willing to share about.

So stop it, that will be such a refreshing exercise on your part. You call it “playing games”, well, don’t play that game. Promise yourself, if you will, to no longer chase her for her problems. If she clearly asks you to help her solve a problem she is having, a dissatisfaction, an annoyance, and then gives you all the information she has, only then proceed, if you are willing, to try and help her. Not otherwise.

If you do so, according to the push/pull behavior you described, she is likely to accommodate you as a result. I agree with you about what an apology should be about.

I understand your relationship anxiety that precedes her in your life. And yet, I can see that your understanding about people and life exceeds hers. Therefore, you are significantly more qualified to determine what is effective and what is ineffective in a relationship.

It doesn’t make sense that you will continue to allow her to lead you into what you called “lower frequency” of consciousness/ awareness. Lead her to the higher frequency, lovingly, but do lead the way.

anita