Dear Anita,

The information provided above is super helpful and I appreciate the thorough response.

Yes, I would agree that women can be troubling at times with their moods and desire for men to mind read. I’m going to do what you said though, and that is only do what I CAN do. If provided the information and the need for help, I will do so willingly, but I will no longer be a victim of “playing games” so that she can get what she wants. The trouble is being a “nicer” person, and more of a helper (selflessness), it is easy to want to give all the help you can. I’m just going to have to monitor her responses and think through what I need to say.

I’m also finding that sometimes the slower I respond, aka the more time I give her to think and add, the better it is for me. It allows for me to no longer be the entertainer and the constant, run down thinker. It also gives me back some power in this relationship.

When you speak about our differences and my ability to examine and understand at my so called higher frequency, it reminds me of how she does in fact sort of follow my lead. I have noticed she imitates my behavior to a certain degree. I notice that she will pick up on my terminology and actions, so I will just have to be careful with my behavior towards her. Ultimately, girls want someone to lead for them and make the decisions, which is much harder being away, but I will continue to work on staying present and not thinking too much about little things. If she ever wants to be upset or annoyed with me, that’s on her, I shouldn’t feel bad, which in most cases I feel empathetic which leads to the cycle of me wanting to help and only get pushed away.

So thank you Anita for those responses. Do you have any suggestions for how I can better handle her very “strong” beliefs and opinions. She is very set in stone about what she believes in and what she likes and doesn’t like. Her attitude about things sometimes when we talk can be overpowering and can be upsetting for me. She’s very competitive and likes to have her way with things, and being a nicer person it can be easy to give in for these reasons of hers. What can I do to strengthen my independence and stand up for myself. For the most part, I’m a pretty laidback person, only angered by constant stress, but sometimes I want to snap at her for her criticism or judgements towards me.