Dear Anita,

The criticism and/or judgements are typically what feels like is her desire to gain control or change me. Sometimes it’s like her telling me repeatedly how I need to eat healthier, work out more, work more, or something that involves comparison. I’m doing just fine with my eating and fitness, and I don’t work a ton right now but I’m also busy with a class. She will sometimes criticize me for not being busy or working like she is, and that I’m lazy. I think this relates back to what you said earlier, that it is summer and she doesn’t have a ton to do, so it’s easier to lash out at me when comparing our current circumstances. It’s just that after me telling her in a nice way I don’t appreciate some of the things she says over and over and seeing no change I’m getting irritable with hearing things I’ve heard plenty of times. I know that I’ve been critical in the past towards her when my initial relationship anxiety was worse because I was unaware of what kind of person she was because I struggled to get to know her, similar to how she withdraws during conflict like I’ve talked about. Is this something I just need to ignore like I will sometimes do with her attitudes so that it takes the power away from what she says? Meaning that I don’t react to these “harsher” words I don’t necessarily need to here frequently.

By beliefs and/or opinions, she is just very for them and when we think something different, she gets almost competitive like I’m trying to attack her. Simple things like the way we do things or the music we listen to. I don’t understand why I can’t like the things I like and prefer. Once again, these are things I try to react with calmness towards her because I’ve felt it is best, but maybe like I said above, I will try to ignore them to take the power away from the situation.

These things I’ve had to mention aren’t a huge deal, as I can be understanding and handle most situations pretty well. However, over time, these criticisms and judgements can lead to resentment. I think there is just tension between us sometimes, which causes us to want to shape each other because we do see a future ahead of us. I just want to create a calm and understanding atmosphere with someone that is a lot of fun and can be incredibly loving at times, but struggles to think things through in the way that I do. I guess I’m in need of ways to approach someone who is lower in intelligence, not in a bad way, but in thought processes, awareness of oneself and/or actions, and understanding.

I apologize if I misspelled anything or made something confusing to read as I’m pretty tired myself.