Dear Scott:

Here is one definition of intelligence: “the ability to learn”- it takes the willingness to learn and the ability to learn. I don’t think that intelligence, therefore, is a finite quality. There is always more to learn.

I am learning about your girlfriend in the last few posts. In the recent one, I am learning that she is in the habit of negatively criticizing you, including saying that you are lazy.

Next you wrote: “I think this relates back to what you said earlier, that it is summer and she doesn’t have a ton to do, so it’s easier to lash out at me”-

If you need to not be called lazy, to not be criticized then, is the solution to wait for winter when she has tons of things to do?

You wrote that she is: “incredibly loving at times”- the other times, she is hurtful to you. Almost every person on the face of the earth is sometimes loving, even the cruelest. Do we tolerate the hurtful behavior, even cruelty, because the person is loving at times?

Regarding her criticisms of you, you asked: “Is this something I just need to ignore like I will sometimes do with her attitudes so that it takes the power away from what she says?”-

My answer: you can numb yourself here and there to her hurtful criticisms, but on an ongoing basis, you get hurt. It is not your job, nor is it possible, long term, for you to take the power away from what she says. It is her job not to say those things.

You wrote yourself: “over time, these criticisms and judgements can lead to resentment”- over time, long term, you get hurt. Resentment, like annoyance, is anger. It is anger that builds over time.

You wrote: “I’m in need of ways to approach someone who is lower in intelligence”- do not underestimate how much yet there is for you to learn, how much more learning there is. One thing to learn is what I stated here in this very post: it is not your job- nor is it possible, long term- to take the power away from her criticisms of you. It is her job not to criticize you. Not when she is busy, and not when she has too much time on her hands; not when she is happy and not when she is annoyed.

A loving person is not sometimes loving and at other times harmful. A loving person makes an effort to never harm the one they claim to love.

Looking forward to your next post.

anita