Dear Anita,

I would agree that it is her responsibility to be loving and not so critical. As I am doing my own part I should not have to take care of her myself.  I wonder if she has had bad experiences in the past which lead her to be more attacking towards me and I wonder if I need to address this. I can be very understanding, but it can be frustrating to try to help someone that only makes the situation more difficult. Sometimes I think she is this way because she values the relationship so much, but if she truly loves me and wants a future together, then why would she act in this way.

Part of me wonders if this is how she got her way growing up in her family. Her parents realize when she acts in this way towards me or when she seems upset. I wonder if she will grow out of this or this is something long-term and that cannot be changed. The scary thing is I want a good marriage in the future and as much as I like this girl it’s really hard to say whether or not she is the one. I would really like for her to change but then again it is not my responsibility.  The waiting part is what makes this hard, because part of me is persistent and optimistic, but I realize there’s only so much time and I have responsibilities myself.

Is  it possible for people to change or are some people stuck as they are? It’s very hard to judge how much she is willing to change. When we are together and she is loving she apologizes for being mean. Although she apologizes, the behavior rarely seems to change. There is a part of me that believes unless somebody goes through a life experience, a hardship, they do not have reason to change. We have talked before and she claims she has never had anything hard in her life, but I have. I have realized tough times make us more aware of ourselves, our actions, our behavior, our thoughts and how we go about doing things.