Jeff,

When I cry, it means something is speaking to my soul.  I hope that’s true in this case for you.  And that my words are somehow helping you discover more about what you want and need in your life.  I’m happy that you communicate regularly with your kids.  That’s the most important job you’ll ever have – to be a parent and good role model for your kids.

It sounds like you have already started working on yourself.  Give yourself credit for joining a gym, trying to remain healthy, cooking well for yourself.  Those are things that many people don’t do.  Don’t minimize any effort you make for yourself.

As for coming up with 5 good things about yourself…  I don’t know you at all, but I think you’re brave for even posting your challenge.  If you’re somewhat shy, it’s probably difficult to put yourself “out there” and be open with others.  So I commend you for feeling safe enough to do that here.  It sounds like you make an effort with your kids.  Some/many absentee parents are completely absent from their children’s lives.  It sounds like you are a stable presence, even if it’s not as often as you like.  And you’re seeking therapeutic help, talking to someone regularly that can help  you see your situation more clearly and help you ask the right questions while trying to find your own answers.  There are many people who refuse to face themselves honestly.  I commend you for that too.

As for your friend at work, you can try to maintain some contact/connection throughout the medical issue.  Maybe he would appreciate your support.  You can always look for other opportunities for connection: at the gym, in a running club, cooking class, anything else you’re interested in.  You can explore first and decide later.  You can always change your mind if you decide something is not quite right for you.

As for your girlfriend, if part-time isn’t good enough for you, then you have the opportunity to speak up for yourself, state your needs/wishes/desires, and then see if there’s any way to come to some sort of compromise.  Relationships are give and take by both people.  If one person always gives and the other person always takes, the relationship is unbalanced.  There should be equal amounts of both based on the needs/demands of family, work, responsibilities, etc.  It’s not equal on a daily basis, but should be equal overall over time.  If your girlfriend is not willing to give to you in ways that she could, but chooses not to, what does that say about her commitment to/love for you?  It doesn’t sound like you’re demanding any thing out of the ordinary.  You should be able to have the whole cake, not just the crumbs or leftovers.  Only you can decide if what she’s currently giving (or negotiating to give) is truly enough for you.  I don’t think that one person should be expected to fulfill all of your needs, but s/he should be able to fulfill some or many of them.  Especially if those needs are simple, basic, and ways that will show her love/care/concern for you (like a daily text, call, etc.). We all have responsibilities and stresses in our lives.  Your girlfriend should be your Safe Haven, the one person that “has your back” and helps you feel like everything will be o.k.  If she’s not that for you, then that says something else.

The Permanent Part of your life is YOU.  You have to decide what you want and what’s important to you.  And then figure out the best way to bring those things/people into your life.  You will always have your kids.  Your girlfriend may or may not stay in your life (Yes, You have a choice in this too).  But you should never have to settle for less than what you desire.  I believe that we can have everything we desire.  It may not come in the fashion or form we imagine.  But if the desire is great and the intention is pure, somehow, someway, sometime it will arrive.  Don’t close yourself off.  Just try to be open to the many possibilities that you never even imagined.  You, hopefully, will be surprised and delighted in the ways that life can bring you joy.

Thanks for responding to my first post.  I really appreciate knowing that I’ve helped in some way 🙂

Again, Take Care and Many Blessings to You!!

Dawn