Hi Anon,

I see alot of red flags in your post. You stated, he does not want to spend the time with you as much as he used to, and now it has gone from several times a week to maybe once a week. He is trying to break things off by saying “he is not good enough for you” and he also is very young and has many conflicts going on in his life with family, etc, that it is almost impossible, to maintain a healthy relationship.

You have made him your whole world, your everything as you say, and that is not healthy, that is co-dependent. I understand he is your first love, but you need to have other interests outside of him, or he will feel smothered, that may be Another reason he is saying he does not want to hurt you, because he knows he is your whole world and life and that is not healthy for either of you.

You need to develop a sense of security outside of him. A love for yourself, independence from him, female and male friends, church activities perhaps, volunteer work, hobbies, just time away from obsessing over him. Men don’t want someone who is clingy and makes them their whole world, it is smothering. He also states he does not love you the way he used to, and this has been a familiar pattern with his ex’s where he is so in to leave him when they become attached.

I think people no matter how much in love they are at first, drift apart, even first loves. We want everything to be “forever” but sadly this is not so. You mentioned he loves you, but does not want to be with you. All these are red flags that at this time he is unable to have a relationship with you, because his feelings are not like they used to be, and no matter what you do, you can’t change his feelings. I would just give him the space he needs to figure things out. Don’t contact him. Maybe he might contact you..maybe. But in the meantime, work on loving yourself, building a solid foundation of self-love, hobbies, outside interests, etc, so that you can find love and a healthy relationship. Keep us posted.