Jeff,

We are all afraid of failing and being alone.  That’s part of the human condition.  I don’t know what happened in your marriage.  Instead of beating yourself up for failing, try asking what lessons you learned.  How have you grown as a person?  How has your marriage clarified for you what you really want in a partner/relationship?  What things did you do to help your marriage?  What things did you not do or need to change to help create a better relationship in the future?  How could you become a better partner this time around?  Dr. Randi Gunther has written about “12 Characteristics of a Keeper” (found in Psychology today) of qualities that she believes makes for a good partner.  I tend to agree with them.  How do you measure up to those?  Maybe that’s one “goal” that you can work on for yourself.  And it’s a good list to compare to potential partners.

As far as meditation, the “goal” is to help shut off the hamster wheel of thoughts.  To sit quietly every day starting small, 5-10 minutes, then slowly increasing to 50 min – 1 hour.  Hay House (Publishing company) Podcast has MANY options for meditations.  You have to sift through them to see which one feels right for you.  Wayne Dyer, Davidji, Sonia Choquette, Rebecca Campbell etc.  I’ve also been listening to the “Abraham Hicks” You Tube series.  Hundreds of hours of talks and meditations about Manifesting the Life that You Want, and to turn away from thinking about the things that you don’t want in your life.  “They” say that whatever you think about is drawn to you, both likes and dislikes.  So to change your point of attraction, you need to change your thoughts/ focus.  It’s really about learning to harness your “hamster wheel” of thoughts and redirect it to think about how you want your life to be, rather than thinking about how it is (in your unhappy state).  Imagining/feeling what it will be like when you have the things/relationships in your life that you desire.

I’m sorry that you think your relationship might not work out.  Again, what lessons have you learned from being in relationship with your girlfriend?  What things do you like?  Don’t like?  To help you clarify more of what you want in your life.  Maybe start journaling to help yourself get more clear about what you desire.  I’m not telling you to ignore your feelings.  Trying to sweep them away will only help prolong them being there.  You have to honor them and feel them and ask them what they’re trying to teach you.  I’m also just suggesting that you find small things to help you feel a little bit better, like talking to your kids, going for a run, cooking a healthy meal.  Changing your focus to what you appreciate in your life.  Or even just learning to appreciate the little things, like “Hey! I managed to get to work this morning.”  Or “Good for me!  I actually went for a run!”

ONE STEP AT A TIME.  You didn’t get this way overnight.  You probably won’t get out of it overnight either.  Just keep asking yourself, “What’s the next best thing to do?” in every moment.  Until hopefully, eventually, you’ll start feeling better and better, and looking forward to more of what you desire in your life.  I’m sorry that this is a difficult period in your life.  I hope it begins to improve very soon.

Blessings,

Dawn