Koala,

If you don’t feel safe expressing your true thoughts and feelings, then you will never have a trusting and safe relationship with him.  When you are with someone who “has your back,” even if he disagrees with you, he will still be respectful and listen to your point of view, as well as validate your feelings, even if he does’t understand them.  When he refuses to listen to you or have compassion for your struggles and difficulties (even when they involve him), it usually means he is unable to do that for himself.  It seems like his family has encouraged the “sweep it under the carpet” mentality and hasn’t taught him to be able to handle difficult situations.  Maybe they don’t know how to do it either.

The bottom line is you should not have to tiptoe around your own emotions/thoughts in order to make your partner feel more comfortable (in your discomfort).  You should always have enough trust, safety, and security in your relationship so that even difficult discussions will be talked about in a mature manner with both people trying to be sensitive to each other’s needs and trying to be understanding and compassionate, even if they disagree.  They should both have a mutual respect and appreciation for each other and should try to be as supportive as possible, rather than trying to shut the other person up, or avoid dealing with the other person’s true thoughts and feelings.   In a healthy relationship, both people should feel safe to be whom they truly are, warts and all.

We all want to feel loved and accepted and appreciated, without fear of being made fun of, or pushed away (physically and/or emotionally).  If he is unable to do this for you, even after talking to him about this and trying to work things out, then maybe he’s not the right partner for you.  Only you can decide the next course of action.  Only you can decide what is right for you.

I’m an advocate for trying to work things out.  But I also know that sometimes, it’s better to take what you’ve learned and move on.  Especially when the other person isn’t willing to take responsibility for his own part.  Only you can decide for yourself when that time is.

Good luck.  I’ll be holding good thoughts for you.

Blessings!

Dawn