Hi I started this topic in February, and now it’s July and I want to update you lovely people.

I moved out.  And I have no intention of moving back in.

I was going to do it for a few months, without high hopes.  And, for whatever reason (summer, diet, daily walking, making an empowering change, or actually living away from my mum) it’s definitely made a difference!  It surprised me when my anxiety level suddenly dropped off, and I’m more in touch with who I am.  I started to take small upward-spiral-y steps towards reconnecting with friends.  I took myself out to a concert where I felt a little shy and anxious at times but was ok with that and relaxed some.

I’m living with one to two other people, and we get along well.  It was fully furnished, and has a nice view, and is a pleasant walk to work.  I see my dad more often than my mum, but I go over to their house about once a week.

I still haven’t resolved my issue with my mum, but I feel I have created the space to grow and live fully, and I feel much less angry and resentful.  (Newton you’re right, after moving out I am juuust starting/about to start to heal my relationship with her.)  I don’t know if she’s ever had an experience of being allowed to be acceptable exactly as she is just by being human – for me that was a foreign and magical experience at the age of 24, and I was quite inspired by it.

Nina Sakura, I think I will try your list thing.  Also, you are totally right that it’s a powerlessness thing, and it’s almost like “taking back my life for myself” is a theme that extends back at least five years. (“this is my fight song/take back my life song”)

• This reply was modified 7 years, 5 months ago by Erin.