Dear Lisa:

Indeed, you have the right to use words any way you like, as long as you are not abusive (and you haven’t been abusive here). You have the right to express yourself authentically, and I am glad you did.

You wrote that you would have liked to read my thoughts. I didn’t know that you would. Now that I do, I will be glad to share my thoughts with you regarding what you believe to be reality, as I summarized in my last post to you:

I believe that there is truth to what you believe but it is not the whole truth. The part that is true is that yes, especially in certain cultures, and quite widespread, men do place women in categories, the “good girls” worthy of marriage, and the “bad girls” not worthy of marriage. The “bad girls” are used for sex and disrespected while the “good girls” are used as mothers of their children and treated with respect (other than being cheated on with the “bad girls” and continuing to do so no matter how painful their cheating is to their wives).

It is true that the “good girls” turned wives resent the “bad girls” and attack them, verbally at the least, keeping the “bad girls” as far away as they can from their lives (and their husbands’ lives, unsuccessfully).

It is also true that women are being put down by many men, in public, or otherwise, for being outspoken and assertive, being made fun of for not being feminine and so forth.

The part of what you believe that is untrue is that ALL men place women in these categories, that these categories are as rigid as in being lifetime, a sort of fate. That whenever a man is pleasant to you it is because he has to, that he is necessarily not authentic being pleasant or kind to you. There are many men who do not at all enjoy the power status you believe they have. Many men who feel women are the stronger gender and they behave accordingly. There are men who believe women are an equal gender and behave accordingly.

I believe that people and the world is not as rigid as you believe it is. I believe it is not predetermined for you to be “Alone”, the title of your thread. I believe that you were not destined to an Unworthy category.

anita