Hello again Ms. Anita!

Many thanks! I have been through several sessions of CBT, group therapy, 2 inpatient, and 1 intensive outpatient program now. Learning and being introduced to the things like “all-or-nothing thinking” hasn’t always shed light or been easy for me to apply in my life, unfortunately. When I was younger, I always thought “what a load of crap.” Now that I’ve had my recent crisis all the things I wasn’t noticing before are starting to make sense and I’m applying as many of the tools I’ve learned to every situation that I can. My perspective is changing. It is very uncomfortable to not go back to old habits of negative thinking but I keep telling myself its only because “this is new and I am in a state of growth.”

Another thing, you said my writing doesn’t reflect me being a mess. I am not surprised you said that. I unfortunately am the type of person that appears calm, collected and together but also happens to be screaming inside. I do not share my feelings and am very reluctant to seek help. I think thats why I was able to go so long “looking put together” to outsiders… until I just hit the wall 🙁