Also just realize there is some parts of you that probably developed to defend the parts of you that was “taken away” or not shown correctly in your unemotional detached household. And they merely need to be redirected like, said above. You are not what happened to you, nor what you have done. Everyday we have a chance to change our perspectives, selves and our future! I really hope you find what you seek! You are not undeservant of of treatment for your cancer or anything else you choose to proceed with. Maybe look at it as a rebirth!