Hi wildoceanflower,

You know what might be a new way to look at criticisms and negativity? It can be almost funny! The only way the words and thoughts of other people can affect me is how I allow it to affect me. If someone takes the time to criticize me, how important is that to my sense of self? Not very important. What is important is that I like and respect the person I am.

Notice the instant you start to allow the anxiety start to kick in. I found listening and noticing your feet on the ground (a tip from “Radical Acceptance” by Tara Brach, which you might want to read) when you talk to someone can really help. Instead of falling into the anxiety, try to imagine the person is your best friend as you talk. I think you will find not only will people treat you more warmly, but that you’ll feel better in the conversation as well.

I know what it’s like you are on the floor and you are comparing yourself to people and you think other people are better. But they are not. Try to ignore the judgments of other people. Find good people who you can trust. I’d rather be around one or two people who I trust than be around a whole bunch of “friends” who criticize me or make me feel bad.