Dear Danielle:

You are welcome. You asked: ” Do you think he has like a lying issue??? …Why do I feel like I have the need to know everything about my boyfriend. Like if I don’t know something it’s considered hiding”

My understanding: no, he doesn’t have a lying issue. If he did, you wouldn’t have been able to stay with him for as long as you have; he would be in your past long ago. You are so sensitive to lying, that you nit pick everything so much, that the relationship wouldn’t have survived if you had many lies to deal with.

What you have here are naturally occurring inconsistencies because people forget, people don’t pay attention, people are embarrassed and yes, they choose not to tell certain details. It is not reasonable at all to expect a person to be 100% congruent with reality at all times.

For example, when the police questions people who witnessed a traffic accident, they will get different accounts of the same accident from people who have no motive to lie and who are not lying- they just paid attention to different aspects of the accidents, were confused, filled in gaps in memory etc.

To why you care so much- I am going back to when your mother interrogated you about her suspicion following that movie. You wrote that you considered lying to her, remember? Maybe you felt so bad about the thought of lying to your mother, felt you are such a bad person for considering lying to her, that it terrified you and that is why you confess to her and to others about everything, not wanting to be the lying person you considered being. And then, you project it to your boyfriend, afraid that he will be what you were afraid of being yourself. Could it be?

anita