Dear Lisa:

You wrote: “When I think of hate I think of something or someone you want nothing to do with… I don’t feel I hate men because I feel I wouldn’t want a relationship with one so badly if I did”. First, by hate, I mean deep, persistent anger. It is my experience that people can be very angry with a person and, at the same time, want to be in a close relationship with the person. The two are not mutually exclusive. The more I wanted, in my personal life, to be loved by a specific person, the more I was angry with that person for not loving me.

You wrote: “I can be quite rude to men and women, especially if I feel they have relationships”- the rude behavior is what I refer to as hateful behavior, (that is, very angry behavior).

You wrote: “When I am rational like I am right now I feel no irritation at the men and women passing me by in the cafe right now”- I understand that you don’t always feel very angry or angry at all at men. No one feels a feeling permanently.

You wrote: “I do agree that I probably give off a vibe of stay away from me”- that is the very angry/hate vibe I was referring to.  “I do agree somewhat that I can be prejudiced against men thinking they are all the same to some extent”- I agree and men are not all the same, any more than women are all the same.

You wrote: “I especially feel that when my emotions are running high or I feel hurt”- this is when our thinking is off, when we are… under the influence of strong emotions.

You wrote: “As someone who didn’t feel heard growing up ..”- I understand your valid, strong need to be heard and I tried throughout this thread to hear you and let you know what I heard, so that you can correct me where I heard wrong, and so that you will feel heard.

You wrote: “I also feel I didn’t have a female mentor of any kind growing up”- I know. It fits with the title of your thread and the theme throughout: “Alone.” It is sad and unfortunate.

And you wrote: “I still think that I can turn it around and find a way out of my loneliness. I just don’t know if I have the tools or the directions on how to make it work”- yes, you can turn things around, find the love you longed for your whole life. And I sure hope you will.

I don’t know what you meant by having “to move on with this thread though”?

You are welcome. If it helps, keep posting and I will keep replying.

anita