Dear Katie:

I just re-read your sharing from the first page of the thread, and I suppose you picked up the feeling that you are not good enough from your mother’s withdrawals from you. I think the “kiss of death” that you fear, in relationships with men, is about them withdrawing from you.

You wrote in your most recent post: “nothing I hear is ever what I want to hear”- can you state what it is exactly that you want to hear, what would satisfy you to hear?

You wrote: “I can hardly stop myself questioning the guy until he is probably completely overwhelmed and shuts down”- it is definitely possible to overwhelm a person by an ongoing interrogation- and it is possible for you to stop a questioning no matter how strong the urge to ask more and again.

You wrote: “it’s like sometimes everything I hear is negative even if it’s not. I can spin something neutral or even good until I’m able to re-create it as proof that the guy isn’t really into me”- I think you are trying to  protect yourself from the “kiss of death” aka withdrawal, I believe. You try to protect yourself by seeing-it-coming and being prepared (instead of not seeing it coming and being surprised).

anita