Dear Zeba:

It reads to me that your boyfriend is angry with you and has been angry with you for a long time. The fighting of three years wore him down.

I don’t think he wants to go back to the way things were. I don’t think there is a way to go back there, to argue/ fight the way the two of you did. If there is a chance for this relationship, it is no longer arguing/ fighting.

There is a way to communicate effectively. If the two of you did, if the two of you were willing to learn how and then do it, a whole lot of good can come out of a mutually respectful, honest communication.

As is at this point, the relationship is not loving and is not healthy. I believe that you cannot fix it by telling him… one more time, that he is wrong or selfish or any such criticism. If the two of you are willing, a relationship/ couple therapy would be best. In such sessions, a good therapist will teach the two of you to communicate effectively, without arguing. There are skills in such practice, which the therapist can teach the two of you as you practice those in her/ his office.

anita