Hi Anita,

I did try it 13 days ago. below is my email

”

You wanted to know what is stressing me so much and why am I so depressed.

I do not want to hide it anymore or it will kill me.

I feel guilty for lot of things.

1. I do not feel happy love, I feel I have taken away so much from my son. He deserved so much more and I could have done that for him.
I can’t do anything because its no more just him …. I cannot afford all the happiness for my baby the way I wanted to. When he was born , I promised myself to myself that when he is 3/4 I will start taking him for an overseas holiday atleast once a year. I wanted to show the world to him and I could easily afford to do that. But now I can’t. Even though your daughters can go and do whatever they wish to because they have so many people to fulfill their wishes. My son has just got me and I still can’t do it. I wanted to send my son to the best private school but when the time comes i again won’t be able to do it, I know that. He is my only child , I got him in my life after lots of prayers ( 7 years non-stop) and I wanted to give the world to him. I feel restricted and I want to be free to do whatever I want with my son.
I am living with this guilt and its all my fault.
2. My family – I miss them deeply.. you won’t even know the pain I am going through being away. I want to take care of my mother but our relationship restricts that. I know you would say its her problem. But she is the only parent I am left with and she needs me and I want to be there for her.I again feel helpless and restricted.
3. I feel pressurized raising a family of 5, i feel tired. I am so sorry but I have to say it. Its nothing personal for u or your kids. Its just I can’t handle the pressure , the expense , the restrictions. Its killing me inside. It is very painful. I could probably never say it upfront to you on your face but I had to tell u or else I will keep punishing myself. I love u a lot ( and I love your girls too.. u know it), no one has ever loved me or cared for me the way u do and its very special to me.
I am left here clueless what to do , how to solve these problems and I am not getting my answers. You are my best and only friend. I suffer . I need your help and not any more guilt.”

His reply

“I’m sorry baby I love you to0. I don’t know what to say love I guess only you can make any decisions about those things, I wish I could provide more for you, I’m sorry , your son is doing well in school though so that’s a good thing. About your mum though I don’t know what to do love .I’m sorry your family won’t accept me I just hope the tough times don’t last too long ”

And nothing after this. I also thought this is the best way to communicate but I need his help to support my decision, but he clearly says ” he doesn’t want us to break up”