Dear Zulaika:

It is difficult for me to move on to another thread after reading your plea for help.

You were sexually abused for eight years, from age 5-13. Lately you told your mother. Her response was to tell you that “all girls go through this”- by saying this, she is implying that it is not a big deal, and she is very wrong about that. She told you that you “have to get over it”-

Why wasn’t her response anger at the uncle and cousins? Why is it your job to get over it and not their job to not sexually abuse a child?

You wrote: “I’m not able to forget it I still have nightmares n I go into panic attack if anyone so much as touches me”- you were harmed by eight years of sexual abuse and no healing from it, no one- including your mother- offering you help. You suffer greatly because, unlike your mother’s input, being sexually abused is a big deal!

You wrote: “my mom thinks I’m old enough to get married and has arranged my marriage. I don’t know what to do. all I want is to run away from everyone n go somewhere and start over.being a girl and a Muslim and an Indian has lot of disadvantage.”-

Did you meet the arranged husband? Do you know anything about him?

Is there a way for you to run away and start over? Any organization maybe, in India, maybe a UN (United Nations) organization that offers shelter for women in your situation?

Again, regarding “I don’t want to dissapoint my family”- disappointment is a great understatement to describe what your family (uncle, cousins, mother, and every other person who did not notice, or cared to notice the suffering of a child) have done to you!

I hope to read back from you.

anita