Dear Hannah:

I feel sad about your state of mind and his, as I read your post. You are both in trouble, it reads to me, and yet, unable to help each other. The problem I see, on your end, is not taking responsibility for your feelings. You give him the responsibility that is yours.

Your distress is acute, I understand that. I experienced that. Thing is, he can’t fix it. He can’t make it okay. Neither is he the cause of your distress.

When you feel so much intense distress often enough, you have to share it with a boyfriend/ a partner in moderation because it is too much for a person to handle. Same for him.

In a therapist’s office, I suppose, you can unload all your distress there. A competent therapist studied and should know how to deal with it, how to be detached. Reads to me that your boyfriend was overwhelmed with your distress and didn’t know what to do.

Share in moderation, taking responsibility for your feelings (meaning not expressing to him that it is his job- or within his ability to resolve for you). Avoid frequent extreme expressions as you feeling like dying.

anita