Dear Leocube:

You “moved out and got a job at 18 and have been living alone since. (You’re) 22…live in a small 2 bedroom house that (you) bought”- this is success at a very young age: what a shame it is that you are being punished for your success, that it is because you were able to purchase a house, that it is now the place where you accommodate your parents. It will be a shame if your success of four years will come to an end, becoming a distant memory.

The other people you wrote about, who post loving messages to their parents, a few of them may be sincere, others may not, being motivated by guilt, just like you, wanting to appear “good” because, like you, they feel “a bad person” otherwise.

You have to take care of yourself and remove your parents from your home. If you don’t, who will take care of you? Your parents are not taking care of you- they don’t even notice that you are distressed.

I understand your conflict: the great majority of us are raised by parents who instill in us a duty, a self serving duty (serving the parents’ interest, that is) to owe them. So we feel guilt otherwise, like we are bad people if we don’t sacrifice our well being to accommodate them.

We cannot be well unless we operate for our well-being and avoid operating against our well-being. Save yourself from this ongoing deterioration of your well-being, the undoing of your early success. Overcome the learned, unjustified guilt. Since your parents have the means to live by themselves, my goodness, it is a no-brainer: they should  live by themselves!

anita