Hi Anita,

Wow.  Your last reply to me really hit a spot and it brought tears to my eyes.. and I sat on what you said for a while and let it all sink in. I guess I never saw it that way.. that his problem is so entrenched.. I always thought that it was a problem at the moment that he was facing with the sister’s divorce but it actually goes deeper than that. and yes, i cannot compete with the power parents have on their children.. and it makes so much sense about why he chose to avoid the pain of his parents’rejection rather than to seek pleasure in a relationship with me. I can see what our relationship was up against was something HUGE.

and then there this relief knowing that it was something close to impossible to compete with. for a long time I also struggled with wondering if I could have done more for him.. was there anything I could have done differently that would have changed our outcome.. and you putting his issues into perspective helped me to see the magnitude of his problem and how it goes waaaay back.. and how it is something that is beyond me to change.. and the serenity prayer (that I see you mention a few times on this forum) came to mind..

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

somehow knowing that this is something that is beyond me to change.. is very empowering and it reaffirmed my decision to surrender. cos there is nothing that is within my control to change. as much as I want to be there for him.. wishing that things can be different for him.. but this is his journey. and I can only be there for someone who allows me to. I have to accept that his situation is something I cannot change.

Yet the feeling of relief is mixed with sadness too. I feel this immense sadness too.. that he has to go through such pain and my heart aches for him. why does he have to go through this? It is like he is a good man and he is just trying his best to be a good son. but why do things have to be so difficult for him? I wish and wish that things can be different for him and that he can be in a happier place too. he deserves his own happiness and it is so unfair that he has to bear this burden.. such that he cannot even find his own happiness. why is his happiness compromised?

I feel so so helpless in the face of his sufferings.

And I guess all I can do now is to send light and love to him through the universe and hope that things will turn out better for him somehow. and I will also keep the faith (no matter how small the hope may be), that if it is meant to be, that one day he may be able to resolve all these issues and who knows, we may have a real shot.

(Btw, I really wanna say that Anita, you are such a blessing to have on this forum! your perceptiveness of situations is really amazing and I appreciate your replies! I have also learnt so much from reading your replies to other people on this forum as well. Thank you :))