Hi Michael,

Thanks for sharing your story!

Well, you definitely aren’t the only one who feels these levels of anxiety in a relationship! I have experienced that anxiety in a relationship, especially regarding the sexual history of my current and previous boyfriends.

First of all, consider whether you are self-confident now, to the extent where you could be single and happy with who you are without feeling the need to please anybody else. The reason why I ask is that if one is truly content with themselves and confident in who they are in their own skin without needing anybody else to validate them, then we are on the right path to love someone else and be a part of a healthy relationship with heaps of trust in each other.

It sounds like your boyfriend truly cares for you and isn’t afraid to show you that he loves you, you both have a past but the longer that you hold onto these anxious thoughts, the harder your relationship will be to sustain. He might feel like he’s at a loss over what to do as he doesn’t know how to relieve you from the anxiety you feel, but he can only help you to an extent, which is by showing you he truly loves you and by having an honest and communicative relationship.

If he wanted something with somebody else, from his past or not, he wouldn’t be in a relationship with you or be so loving with you. The anxiety you feel could very well be due to the bad endings of your previous relationships and if they have dented your self-confidence to the point where you might not feel like you’re ‘enough’ for someone which is definitely something I used to feel, then you two definitely need some time apart so you can unpack any past or present feelings which you may not have dealt with.

Don’t let past issues affect your present, you’re taking control of the situation which is a very good thing and this relationship definitely sounds like it’s worth fighting for – it’s repairable for sure.

Good luck to you both!