Worry about being whiney is whining about being whiney like worrying about worrying which can only be self defeating.

Ahh panic attacks. I get it. When were under the influence of a panic attack rational thought becomes difficult and we tend to be in an animal reactive, fight of flight state, vice a responsive one.

If you want to move forward your going to have to do some work on understanding how your panic attacks are triggered.  The good news is that your posts indicate that you know what the problem is and how to fix it.

You note that when you start to worry about the future, “what will happen to me if..”, “what will I do with my life if…” if, if, if… Its this worry that seems to trigger your panic attacks and even suicidal thoughts.

You stated that when you quit and stop taking class you calm down… for a while… but then start the process over again as you worry about where you will end up clinging to the idea of needing to have career path defined, certain and nailed down, which eventually leaves you feeling suffocated which triggers the panic attack and restarts the circle

See your ahead of the game. You know what triggers your panic attacks what calms you.

You tend to live in an imagined future that is overly influenced by your fears of “if”. Your afraid of the idea of a career path while clinging to the idea of needing to have a career path.  You can see how you created a repeating pattern of behaviour which has very little to do with what courses you might be taking or career path you selected. The immediate problem isn’t knowing what path to choose but the idea of having chosen on of having a path.

You might find it helpful to find a physiologist or some other third party expert (not family or friends) to dig into your resistance to the idea of a career path (committing) and why at the same time you cling to the idea of needing/having one (clinging is never helpful)

They may also help you with this tendency to project yourself into an imagined future…

You never waste an opportunity to worry today about something you might not get to worry about in the future. Most of the crap we worry about happening never happens. And if it does, we deal with it, that just what we do. So, you can see the absurdity of living in the future and that what might really be happening is a growing addiction to worry and anxiety. Yes, the body can get used to and even crave the chemicals released by worry and anxiety.

You also mention a fear of physical death however I also suspect an unconscious fear of physiological dying. The reality is that, physiologically the self is always in a cycle of birth, death and re-birth.  So, its likely that these experiences of suicidal thinking are not about a wish to physically dying but the unconscious Self expressing a need for a physiological dying so that a rebirth is possible.  You are stuck in physiological loop that is keeping attributes within the Self from dying so that they might be reborn leading to your becoming. Attributes, ways of thinking, ways of doing, feeling that need to “die” – let go of – so that you grow.