Sorry I don’t follow your logic.

In the past your skill level was crap, today your skill level has improved, but because it was crap in the past today’s experience of skill no longer matters?

When I was a baby was was crap at walking, pretty much crap at everything needed to take care of myself. When I first started dancing I was crap after years of practice my skill level has improved. Should I stop walking or enjoying dancing because when I started I was crap?

What ever has gotten you down isn’t about surfing skill, past or present. When you were struggling to learn a new skill did something else happen to you that you are now projecting onto you surfing. The surfing now triggering a unconscious memory of the a past situation that you now how to deal with