Dear Fatima:

You wrote: “it’s like my brain or my subconscious is so deeply embedded in bad thinking or huge crevices of  doubt, fear, and lack of worthiness”- what you list here are mental habits, the habits of the brain. It habitually plays thoughts of doubts, fear and lack of worthiness because it has been doing that for so long. It is not different from the body habitually resting, used to lying down all day, every day. The thought of exercising daily is… very uncomfortable and the person cannot imagine exercising.

Habits are difficult to change, be it habits of the mind and habits of the body.

One thing that makes habit more difficult to change is keeping the same people in your life who discourage you from making desirable changes:

You mentioned that your family turned their backs on you. Then you wrote that you are “dealing with devastatingly blow with people that I considered friends and family”- does this mean you are still interacting with family members who turned their backs on you, trying to win their approval perhaps?

anita