Hello Mina

first of all, thank you very much for your time and input. I have been feeling really down and depressed for a while.

“I would like to help you but I need to know the reason why you hold on so tightly to this person.”
Honestly, I don’t know why I am holding so tightly. Probably because I am a foreigner in his country. I lived and worked there alone and was really lonely. I do have friends, but they either live far away or are married and busy with their families. I felt “home” around my ex. It made me happy just to think about there’s someone waiting for me at home. We lived together, I cooked and did all chores for him, he helped me take care of lots of things when he felt I was mistreated by other people.  We lived in the house that we painted and organized together, picked up furniture, decorated, etc. To me, home is where he is.

“Other than the fact that you loved this person very much, is there any reason why you refuse to let go and move on? Are you perhaps afraid that you won’t meet someone better? or are you afraid that you will never get over him in general?”

I love this man deeply. Though I was very immature and always threatened him to breakup to get his attention whenever he failed to make me happy. I know I was doing wrong and really want to improve myself to become a better person. I never really wanted to break up with him. We both tried very hard and had our ups and downs. It’s just hard to accept that it’s really over, especially we were having the best time of our relationship right we started long distance/right before we broke up.

The biggest problem we have now is distance. I had to leave to renew my visa and it’s still pending, meaning I don’t even know if I I will go back again. It must have been really unrealistic to ask to reconcile not knowing if we would ever be in the same place again.

We don’t know what will happen in the future. Maybe I will never go back, maybe I will. No matter what happens, I really hope to get his wishes to move on. Perhaps I have to be the one to wish him well in this case. But I am not ready to say goodbye yet,..