Hello,

Thanks for your response, i have so many similarities with you it is quite uncanny. I give exactly the same advice as you have described to people who have similar struggles but can i take it myself? No, not in the slightest.  My self esteem is non-existent. Like you i am confident in some ways, training and fitness for example, but i look in the mirror and still see the person i was that was bullied and hates himself. Every mistake i make and wrong decision sticks to me like some kind of emotional glue and i wish i could just not be me. You sound like you have done an amazing job of turning your life around and the fact that you have moved on from a divorce, which by the sounds of it you handled incredibly well, and found yourself someone who treasures you is something to be proud of. I have been to the doctors, some time back and i am not sure where you are posting from ( i would guess the States looking at the time differences?) but here in the UK mental health/depression is not very well “treated”. There is still a stigma to depression and one of the first things seeking medical help would do would be to invalidate my life/health cover and also it would be on my record which i don’t want. Heaven forbid if my family ever discovered i was on them.  But i know there is something wrong with me, i am not sure if it is a product of my experiences or something in my genes but i do have a problem and have had so for most of my life..  As Fatima discusses in the post that got us talking letting go of negativity is hard. In terms of medication i was offered them but… I have never drank, smoked or taken a drug in my life. The thought of taking “pills” is at odds with my other side which does not want to rely on something that i may become addicted to.