Thanks so much for coming back to me.

I’m not really sure. My mum, whilst always devoted, had her own mental health problems. She used to have (and still does sometimes) extremely paranoid episodes. She could be very toxic. My whole family bound by her mood swings. I grew up hearing her accuse my dad of affairs. And I’m pretty sure he did have ‘something’ on the side. I know what it’s like to be around someone who, despite their wonderfulness, could become quite toxic, abusive and nasty. I fear – in fact I know – that I am becoming that person. And it terrifies me. The thing is, ive talked about this to death in therapy. I spend so much of my time trying to better myself. Maybe it doesn’t even have anything to do with my childhood. Who knows. I just wish I could unlearn the ability to be jealous, tthe negative thinking patterns I’ve developed. I’m at a loss. I feel as though I’m trying to protect him from myself.