How do I find that glue? I know what you’re saying is right. For some reason, I’m convinced I have this inner ‘badness’ and I’m just waiting for people to discover it. I am waiting for my boyfriend to break up with me. I am waiting to catch him looking at a girl in a certain way; or to have an in depth conversation of which I play no part. I’m torturing myself and I’m torturing him. And I just unleash this rage, this resentment that comes deep in the pit of my stomach. And I know it comes from a place of being threatened. I always had this thing since I was tiny of needing to be like the person I’m talking to and this has never gone away.  When my partner speaks to another girl, or even his sister or his mother, and voices admiration, I feel distraught that i am not them. I become so incredibly jealous. I feel I am ‘wrong’ and everyone else is right. And its just a question of time until he finds out. And Im on borrowed time. I don’t know how to stop this feeling.